Today started with boxes. Lots of boxes, big ones meant for hauling around heavy loads. They were all shapes and sizes, taped up and ready to go- one neat clear line straight across the top of every box and that was it. A stranger would never be able to tell from the outside that all of Evie’s most prized possessions were neatly packed away in those boxes. No, a stranger would never know that Evie’s life lay nestled in those simple brown blocks of cardboard, flimsy and meaningless to the naked eye.
Evie grabbed a box- the last one –and followed her mother outside with it. She crammed it into the back of their new Honda Civic among around twenty other boxes. Then she squeezed into the back seat, trying to ignore the sharp bit of cardboard that was stabbing her in the hip. She pressed her face to the window. It was cool- autumn had just started. Days before the school year and Evie was packing up and moving away. All because of Rick.
Rick stumbled towards the car, lurching into his seat and then slumping against the door. He brought with him the sickly sweet stench of hard liquor and sweat.
“Lessgo ‘Nessa! DRIVE!” He exclaimed suddenly, flailing his arms about as if he might smack Evie’s mother. Vanessa lurched away from him.
“Now Rick, be patient…” She said. Her voice was stretched thin with the attempt she was making at trying to sound calm. No one was fooled, least of all Rick. The general impression was that of trying to squeeze a morbidly obese man into a corset- absurd and unlikely. Rick lurched towards Vanessa, violently latching onto her hair. Vanessa gasped in surprise and pain, leaning back so that he wouldn’t rip out any hairs.
“I said, DRIVE!” He yelled. His eyes were sunken and dull, pieces of spittle clung to the left corner of his thin chapped lips. It was as if Rick no longer recognized his own wife, let alone his child that sat huddled in a corner in the back, face pressed against the glass.
Out of nowhere, Rick pulled Vanessa’s face to his. She tensed, waiting for a blow, and then relaxed slightly as his lips crashed down on hers. A tear slid down her cheek but she wiped it away with the back of a long bony hand.
“I’m so sorry my darling…I love you so, so much,” Rick whispered.
“I love you too,” The voice of Evie’s mother shook. Evie pressed her eyes shut tight for moment. Then she looked back at their house. It loomed over them, soon to become nothing but a memory of things both strange and familiar. Vanessa put the car in reverse and smoothly backed out of the driveway, making a perfect turn onto the street. The house waved goodbye. Evie only hoped their new life would be different- better. It had to be. It couldn’t get much worse, she decided.
1. followed all of the criteria, except it was autumn instead of july.
ReplyDelete2.they're moving
3.liqour was the stench
4. student, a step dad or boyfriend of mother forcing the family to move
5. no noticed grammatical errors.
6. don't know where you lived before and where you're moving, but maybe you meant to do that.
7. parents
8. your character has little hope, and the blog was extremely well written and you already know about the character. i am anxious to find out what happens to evie after the move!
^what that person said.
ReplyDeletei cant wait to follow this character, until i die...which will be like 75, so dont stop writing this until then.
Your characters seem very realistic. I am excited about reading the rest of this blog, I think it will be very interesting. I liked how descriptive you were about the characters and setting.
ReplyDeleteThe character seems to be developing well however it would be nice to learn about the character from more than just the descriptions of the boxes. For example have an event happen where she would react since she really didn't react at all to the occurrences with her parents. I did however still like the line about how the boxes seemed so insignificant even though it was her whole life.
ReplyDeleteyour descriptions of people (especially Rick) are really well written. also the way you describe the setting and scene is lifelike and easy to read. good job! can't wait to see where this character goes
ReplyDeleteAll characters are well written, I enjoyed learning about Evie through her reaction to her parents' interactions. Why are they moving? Are they moving to or from the Castle Ap.? Evie's perspective reveals deep issues, I'm excited to find out more!
ReplyDelete